to my friends:

i owe you an apology.

and it will probably be the most realistic, honest apology you'll ever receive from me.

let me begin by saying that i don't believe you missed out on much, 

not seeing me through most of high school,

i was the one who missed out.

i missed out on too many memories.

spent too much time trying to impress people who wouldn't matter.

wasted too much of my time on short-lived fantasies.

i sacrificed all of the great moments i could have had,

only to spend 7 minutes in heaven. 

i wish i wouldn't have lost sight of how important you all are to me.

so now i all i ask is to accept my lengthy apology, as follows:

i'm sorry i neglected to show you just how much i love you.

i'm sorry that i was too lazy to put forth any effort to strengthen our friendships over the last few years.

i'm sorry for all of the decisions i have that separated us.

i'm sorry that i used you to undermine my parents.

i'm sorry i almost always chose boys over you.

i'm sorry if you ever felt like i'd abandoned you.

i'm sorry for everything i've ever said out of anger and hurt.

i'm sorry, most of all, that i've always been so selfish.

i don't have any excuses;

i only have regrets.

i love you guys.

so much.

i hope you remember that,

because i can't seem to forget it.

each of you have made such an impact on me,
and i can't tell you how bad it sucks that i couldn't do the same.

so, as we all continue on these different roads we've chosen,
remember that regardless of the ways i've acted my whole life,
i do love you.