sporadic, intense, depressed.

a very big part of me misses being alone all the time.

i didn't have to deal with all of this stress.

i hate trying to balance my life.

being alone, there's not much to balance.

there are just way too many people who i care about.

people who i want to give all of my time to.

why is that such a hard thing.

i try to make everything equal.

of course, naturally i spend the most time with people who show they care about me too.

the people who don't shoot me down.

the friends who try to understand me.

i'm just over here like. "guys i'm emotionally inept, but i'm trying"

i really hope emily gets a job at chick fil a.

then i'll actually see her.

and i'll probably cry every time she walks in. 

i'm back to wanting to move across the country;

i'd love to move halfway around the world.

this time next year, i might be in australia.

i've always wanted to live someplace warm.

i'm almost to the point of taking a lower-paying job.

i work too hard.

for some reason, i have the hardest time following rules.

mostly the stupid, menial ones.

but in the long run, they really matter.

what does that say about my character.

guys. i'm sad.

i've been really ok, till now anyway.

cameron did a number on me.

i don't know if i ever want to see him again.

sam glenn is such a good friend to have.

he thinks, and he understands, and he's always there to just talk to.

maybe i should read more.

maybe i should exercise more.

maybe i should stop trying to be everyone's best friend.

the problem with that, is i love being everyone's best friend.

i love sharing that connection with people.

i love get to know someone, and letting people try to get to know me.

i need a summer of kate, and emily, and nikki.

i need chandler to stop growing up.

i need a lot of things to have not happened.

i need school to start, and i need july 4th to come faster.

i need more alone time than i've been getting.

i need my mom to care less about what i do, and more about me.

i need a good break, but i know i'll go crazy if i do.

i need friends who understand me.

i love you all, i hope you know that.

i'm sorry i freak out all the time.

i hope you understand.