how do you let someone you love fall flat.

how do you not help them.

why is everyone mad at me for caring.

love shouldn't cause you to lose your closest friends.

love shouldn't shut everyone out.

love shouldn't have to be explained, or justified.

love should make your life better, not worse.

unfortunately, love like that exists, 

but it is an unhealthy sort of love,

while intimate and maybe even beautiful.

i don't even know what i'm trying to say.

i just feel empty, and broken, and alone.

and he's the only thing that i want, but all he's ever done is take and take and take.

how did i fall in love with someone who hurt me more often than not.

how do i just let him go, after all we've been through.

i have to. because he won't heal unless i do.

i can honestly tell you that at this moment, i wish i had never met him.

i would have been free of countless nights, awake and crying because i was afraid he was hurt.

i wouldn't have zach angry at me every other night.

i wouldn't have my friends talking about how dumb i am for caring so much about him.

this is the point where i have decided that this was not worth it. 

my friends and my relationships with them mean more than anything to me.

and i refuse to sacrifice them for a handful of beautiful moments.

i'm sorry for all of the worry and pain i've caused.

i'm sorry.