i remember when i was glad that i was hurting.

i was glad, because that meant that i could at least feel something.

it's complicated for me now.

i care. 

not deeply.

i have friends that mean everything to me, and i know that.

but it's only knowledge.

some of you might think that i blame a boy for my callous heart.

some might think i blame my family.

i'm here to tell you that i don't blame any of them. 

i blame me.

it is how i choose to cope. 

and it sucks, and i feel alone sometimes. 

but it's my fault, my decision.

so if any of you feel guilty, or sorry for me at all.

don't.