Sometimes, everything sucks.

Life gets unnecessarily complicated.

You get knocked down, over and over again, and no matter how many times you stand back up, you keep finding yourself flat on your back, crying, wishing, hating everything that's brought you to that point. 

Still, you can't make yourself believe that it was all for nothing. Your heart refuses to think that the little glimpse you got of all that good, can just disappear, without the hope of return. Every little things seems to come crashing down around you, every bad thing that could happen, does. You cling to that last fiber, holding you to the one who made you feel that every part of you was beautiful, your personal ray of sunshine. 

Then he gives you flowers, and everything seems to get a little bit better, until the worst imaginable thing happens, your world is shattered. Then everything you wanted becomes irrelevant, and very close to impossible, because what you want isn't as important as what they need. So, you say goodbye. You cut that last little strand. 

And it hurts, more than anything.

You know how hard the next few months are going to be for you, and for them, and all you want is to be the one who visits them on the weekend, the friend who never left. But you can't be who you want for them, because of the choices you made. You know it's your fault, and that's the worst part. 

Then, your bed becomes your escape, and all you want do is sleep. 

For in dreams, you create a world that is entirely your own. Until the pain creeps even into your dreams, and you just lay in bed feeling hopeless and helpless. Not wanting to sleep, not wanting to leave the comfort of your blankets. 

You know it will get better, one way or another, but still, you lack the motivation to do anything. Except lay there. Not really thinking of anything, yet the pain refuses to cease.

The only thing you feel is how empty you are, now that they're gone. 

They  made you feel like you mattered, like you could do anything you wanted, they believed in you.

You know that you've lost one of the best friends you've ever had, and you're not sure if you'll ever be able to get them back. 

I'm not the girl who believes her life is over after something bad happens, but I need to let myself fall apart sometimes. 

And to all of my dear, close friends: Thank you, for never giving up on me, even when life gets shitty, thank you for always being there for me to run to. I love you, you are my family, and I don't know what I would do with out you.