I dare you to let me be.

I am so, unbelievably fed. up.
It's like, anything productive just goes into pause-mode when I'm not here.
I am the only person holding a steady job right now, and yet, when I come home after being at work all day, nothing has been done.
I hate how I get a text in the middle of my break, telling me to come home and do the dishes, when I've been working for 5 hours, and every other member of my family has been sitting on their asses at home, doing absolutely nothing.
There's dishes in the sink from Sunday.
I know I probably sound like I want your sympathy, or whatever. But this is my angry post. You don't get these from me very often. I just want words to come out, for once.
Break's almost over and I saw my friends for the first time tonight.
I haven't seen my boyfriend since Monday.
Yea, yea, I know. Wah wah, Cami, that's soooo long.
Gimme a break. We're still in that "OMG I LIKE YOU SO MUCH I JUST WANNA SNUGGLE YOU ALWAYS" phase.
I can't ask to go see him cause then my mom'll be like "Why do you want to see him so badly" blah-blah-blah. And then I'll blush, and she'll figure it out. and then she'll be like "why do you like him so much?!" blah-blah-blah.
I wish I didn't have to hide anymore. (As far as she knows.. I've only ever even seen him like, 3 or 4 times.)
But you know, people's judgments are based on their experiences, and every single time my parents have been involved in a relationship of their child's, it's gone badly, so that's just what they expect.
Young love shouldn't last, that's just what they think.
They also don't believe in cuddling. Everything that is physical is bad, cause it leads to sex. In case you didn't know.
It's just better for me to keep things a secret. To put off being in trouble for that much longer.
They always find out, in the end.
Why not enjoy it while it lasts.
Someone is probably thinking, "Man, Cam, this happened way fast." Yea, I've been thinking the same thing. But, realize this. He is the right person, and this is the right time.
I don't really know if it was "meant to be", cause I don't really believe in that. If that were the case, me and Chandler would be dating right now. (don't deny it.) But, he just.. filled the right voids, exactly when they needed to be filled, you know?
It's never been more perfect for me..
I mean, secretly, I've kind of always wanted a guy to "settle down" just for me.. And he is. He's skipped out on parties, raves, and dances to hang out with me, or even just talk to me.
I refuse to say I love him though. I'm a lot more careful with that word than I used to be. Strong feelings are easy. Especially for me. I definitely feel strongly about this one.
But love, ...
Love takes time.
Love is the little things, the unexpected moments, the inside jokes, the birthdays, the tears, the laughs, the photos, the forehead kisses, the naps..
Love is time.

Here I am again, afraid of happiness. Afraid of how hard it might be. Afraid of what might get in the way. Afraid of getting used to it. Afraid of expecting it, of taking it for granted.

The word keeps playing in slow motion in my brain.

"b..o...y...fri..end?"
It doesn't compute.
This isn't me.