I'm fairly impressed with the fact that I am still using lyrics for my post titles..
It's really difficult sometimes!
Also,, this is mostly just ranting because, as I've said earlier, I can't find my journal.. and I have nowhere else to vent..
My heart is breaking, and I can't stop it this time.
I reaally need a good cup of coffee right now.
I am sick and tired of my pride and emotions controlling my decisions.
I can't let myself be the reason he tears himself apart again.
I hate that I can't sleep because of him.
My feet really hurt.. and I'm sore.
I want to change, so badly, but the road just looks too long.
My parents don't understand me.
I hate how they feel like punishing me for not adhering to their standards is an appropriate way to parent.
And by standards I mean attending church meetings/activities.
So I'm not a perfect Mormon.
I don't see why they think punishing me helps me want to be one any more than usual.
I wanted to go to a friends' mutual tonight, and they wouldn't let me go.
Because I need to attend my meetings.
For goodness sake! At least I wanted to go!
Not going to church doesn't make me a bad person, and I really don't believe that it deserves degradation in their eyes.
I just want to believe what I want to believe, because I want to believe it.
And what I believe doesn't exactly line up with what they believe.
They haven't failed as parents.
It's me that has failed to reach their expectations of me.
I'm not this spiritual giant, who everyone looks up to, who they think I am for some reason.
I'm not a good example. But how on earth can I explain that to them??
Everyone needs to find their own way, not have it found for them.
That's not what God wanted!
He wouldn't have let his only son die for all of us if he did.
If I'm following Christ's example, trying to better myself and those around me,
In the way I believe it should be done,
Why do they still try to make me believe what they do?
I don't think that's fair.
No comments:
Post a Comment